|pinned [against stained glass].
||[May. 2nd, 2005|03:30 am]
i dont get drunk & it would not have been impressive, more so the fact that you wanted to call me because of it than because you were. & dont get worked up over me. dont. i closed my accounts caus im tired of it. im tired of searching for self-justification & outside approval & so im not. & im not sorry anymore[; call me a prick, im over it.] _____& have been my worst sins & ive come to terms with everything & im great again, but dont underestimate me. movies & ice skating sound romantic, but dont ever underestimate me. i will come off arrogant when i say this, because i am, but keep in mind i mean it in the most cynical manner: it turns me on to know that i can tell a girl that i have only the most shallowest intentions & her still move on me. [look at you. you know me only by words]. its more of a living critique. its dirty & alone. im the guy that you don't want to be in a room with by yourself because you'd forget your morals & ive been told that [more than once]. ive also been told, "_____was the worst night of my life," & i know she ment it. i never lead her on or took advantage of her & she knows it. its unsettling & i do it because i can. its abusive. its inappropriate. its gorgeous, like a shattered wine glass. im not egotistical. i am so very arrogant & it has nothing to do with pride. i cant promise you will ever mean anything more to me than you do at this very moment. & i know that when we meet again this summer you will _______& it wont show & i will catch you off-guard. dont ever let me talk to you about the stars or touch your back, youll crash. & you know you will. sweet dreams & i will call soon.|
; maybe I feel detached, i may just look too shy.
[It's a disinterest, not that I'm a timid guy].